How to Help Children Through a Divorce

Family law in orange county

Gathering family law advice can encompass a number of different things. This can include anything from divorce attorneys to child custody lawyers to domestic abuse and more. In most cases, getting family law advice will require speaking with family law lawyers about whatever issue is going on. Basically, anything that happens in the home or with the family can be brought to a family lawyer. Any kind of lawyer can be a difficult and scary time for a child but particularly situations that require family law advice can be traumatizing to a child especially if they have been involved from the beginning. Even something like a divorce, where you and your spouse know that the children are not to blame can leave children leaving vulnerable, at fault and neglected. Here are a few ways to help your children get through a difficult separation.

While words are not everything, they still play a huge part. Your children should constantly be hearing how much they are loved by both parents and how much they are cared for. Do not assume that your child understands that they are not to blame for the divorce. It is a common thing for children to feel like they have done something wrong and the best thing that you and your spouse can do is to tell them over and over again that they are not the reason for the divorce. The more they hear it, the more they will hopefully begin to believe it. Words have power and positive words can help a child to get through the dark days of realizing his or her parents are no longer in love. What he or she needs to know is that there is no lack of love for them in any way and that the parents love for the child is not dependent on their love for each other.

Time Outs
Not in the sense of discipline- this kind of time out is taking time out from the legal proceedings and the unfamiliarity of things. You and your former spouse should take turns making time for the children where you specifically go and do things with them, without the other spouse. Pick activities that your child particularly loves doing to show them that life is still going to be enjoyable for them and they will still get to do all the things they love with both their parents, even if they are not there at the same time. Take some time to shower them with attention and love and put your affirming words into action by putting aside everything for the day to show them that they are the priority of your life.

There needs to be a balance here. You want to involve your children in what is going on in order to help them understand, but especially if they are young they do not need to know the ins and outs of everything that is happening. It can be over stimulating, over whelming and upsetting. However, when they have questions, as they will, answer them as honestly as you can in a way that they will understand. Don’t brush aside their queries with a ‘you’ll understand when your older’ mentality or they will think they are not important.

Be a Unit
This is referring to you and your former spouse. Older children especially can tend to act out during divorces by trying to play the parents against each other. They need the security of understanding that just because you will not be married to each other anymore does not mean that you will not be parenting together. Don’t bad mouth each other in front of the children. Make decisions together and never let the children know if you disagree with the other parent. Instead, privately take each other aside and find a compromise.

The best family law advice is really dependent on your situation. Each decision and each thing you find out will be unique to your situation and your children. You know your children better than anyone else, so make sure that you cater to what they need without letting them take charge of the situation. You are still the parent and need to remain in control.

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